At The Harvest Festival
by Ostragoth
Summary: In the spirit of the season, Ms. Li exploits free student labor. Finished!
1. Chapter 1

AT THE HARVEST FESTIVAL

by Ostragoth

"I'm so proud of our girls for volunteering to work at the Harvest Festival," Helen Morgendorffer said as they stood in the admissions line.

"I've heard that Ms. Li's idea of voluntarism has more than a little compulsion in it," Michele Landon, in line behind her, replied.

Helen nodded. "Yes, I've heard that too, but even so, I'm still proud of Daria. She's usually weaseled out of things like this in the past."

A smiling boy with curly orangish hair walked past them carrying a huge bunch of balloons. "My goodness, that young fellow sure likes balloons," Jake observed as they watched him stuff his booty into a large old car with a convertible top. Several balloons escaped, but the boy seemed not to mind. Still smiling, now with a camera around his neck, he passed them again on his way back to the entrance, where he flashed a ticket and went back inside.

Charles Ruttheimer III walked past two students dressed in blue and yellow, the Lawndale High School colors. "Hey, babe!" said the one in the football uniform, "I got you some balloons!"

Brittany Taylor, the one in the cheerleader's outfit, hauled off and smacked Kevin Thompson across the face. "Ooohh! I asked for a snowcone, you, you... balloon hound!"

"Aww, babe!"

Charles was walking past a concession stand when a familiar voice called out, "Hey, get your sausages here! Polish sausage, hot dogs, corn dogs! Get 'em while they're hot! Hey, uh, Chuck! You look like you need a Polish sausage! I got a nice big juicy one, right here!"

Charles paused. "Ah, the lovely Quinn! And the equally lovely Stacy! A pleasure to see you this fine afternoon!"

"Er, likewise, Chuck. What do you like on your Polish sausage?"

"Ah, perhaps a bit later. I wanted to buy a balloon or two first."

"Aw, c'mon, Chuck! You're gonna get awful hungry in that long line!" Quinn called after him, but he was already lost in the crowd. "Dammit!"

Back in the admission line, Jake Morgendorffer said to Helen, "I heard the girls talking yesterday, and Quinn bet Daria that she could sell twice as many of whatever she's selling as Daria could. You think maybe that's why Daria didn't try to get out of it?"

Helen frowned thoughtfully. "I doubt it. Daria probably realizes she can't..."

"Hey, that sounds like a healthy spirit of competition to me," Andrew Landon remarked jovially. "That's what made this country great. Free enterprise and competition! Way to raise your kids, Jake."

-o0o-

"Hey, Jeffy, Joey, Jarvis! I was wondering when I'd see you guys. Polish sausage?" Quinn asked.

"It's Jamie! Uh, I just had a big dinner, Quinn. Maybe later."

"Yeah, me too, Quinn," said Jeffy.

"Yeah, me too. Big dinner. I'll come by later, though," Joey put in.

"You don't have to rush off. Where are you going?"

"Uh, over to the balloon babe, er, person. I, uh promised my little sister I'd get her a pair, um, a balloon."

"Yeah, me too. Little sister. Hey, where's Jamie?"

"There he goes! Hey, wait up, you sneak!"

"You don't even have a little sister, you ratsack! Uuhhh!" Quinn yelled at the swiftly departing trio.


	2. Chapter 2

"Um, Quinn, exactly what was this bet you made with Daria?" Stacy asked.

Quinn scowled. "I bet her I could sell twice as many Polish sausages as she could balloons."

"Eek. Well, we've been doing pretty good, and people are going to start getting hungry in a couple of hours."

"Yeah, and most of 'em will go home for supper. Stacy, we've sold forty-three corn dogs, thirty-seven hot dogs, and twenty-two Polish sausages. And I did specify Polish sausages. How many balloons do you see, other than the ones Daria's holding?"

Stacy scanned the festival grounds, which were normally the Lawndale High athletic fields. "Wow. A lot more than twenty-two."

"Yeah, and she'll have sold that bunch she's got in another twenty minutes."

"So, what does Daria get if she wins?"

"I have to do her chores."

"For how long?

Quinn ground her teeth. "At this rate, till she goes away to college."

-o0o-

"Ah, the incredible Daria, queen of the balloons! I'll take one, please."

"Gee, Chuck, didn't I see you about twenty-seven times quite recently?" Daria asked, separating a balloon string from the bundle.

"What can I say, I just love balloons," Charles replied, smiling slyly. "But this time I brought my camera. Would you mind if I got a picture of us together?"

Daria gave him a chilly look, then said, "There's a three balloon minimum for a picture."

"Excellent! I'll take five more balloons, please. Jamie, would you take two pictures of me with the balloon queen?"

-o0o-

"Well, hey there, Jane-o. Two, please. I thought you and Daria might be working together," Jake said when he got to the ticket booth.

"No such luck this time, Mr. M. Here you go. Enjoy the festival," Jane said, making change and handing him the tickets.

"Do you happen to know where Daria and Quinn are?" Helen asked.

"Don't know exactly where, but Quinn is working at a hot dog stand and Daria is selling balloons."

"Poor Daria," Helen said as they made their way into the festival area, "Quinn's bound to outsell her. People only buy balloons for little children."

"I don't know, honey. Daria's pretty resourceful. And somebody's selling a lot of balloons around here."

Helen looked around. Nearly every high school age boy she saw was holding at least one balloon, and many had several.

-o0o-

"Hey, Cory!" Quinn called out, "Get your Polish sausage here!" The callow youth seemed not to have heard.

"You know, Corey, girls really dig a guy with a big, hot, juicy Polish sausage," she said as he passed the booth. He kept on walking toward the balloon line.

"Uh, gee, Quinn..." Stacy said.

Quinn scowled down at the trampled grass and stamped her foot. "I know. I feel dirty. Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit!"

-o0o-

Jamie handed back the camera. "Hey, Chuck, will you take a picture of me and Daria?"

Charles looked down at his camera, then at Daria, then at the line waiting to buy balloons from her. Daria could almost see the gears turning in his head. Gears also began to turn in Daria's head.

"Sure, Jamie. It'll take a day or two to get the print to you."

"Okay."

"Three dollars."

"Fine."

Daria said, "Hey, Chuck. You realize I'm in involuntary servitude here, right? It's enough to put a big ugly frown on my face." She gave him a second to consider that. "I want half your action."

Charles' smile broadened. "Why certainly, my incredibly voluptuous balloon fairy; just remember to smile real big!" He turned and called out down the line, "Get your picture taken with the balloon girl! Only six tiny dollars!"

-o0o-

Helen found Daria by looking beneath the largest cluster of balloons. She squinted, then her eyes opened wide. Glancing at Jake, she saw that he hadn't spotted her yet. He really needed glasses, but today she was glad he hadn't gotten them yet. She said, "Jake, I want you to stay here and wait for me. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Aww, honey..."

Helen sighed. "All right, if you see Quinn you can get us a hot dog. But then wait for me, okay?"

"Oo-kay," Jake pouted.

Helen marched up to where Daria stood, selling balloons and being photographed with some of her customers. "Young lady, what do you think you're doing?"

"Selling balloons. Only a dollar apiece. How many would you like today, ma'am?"

Helen frowned. "Well, I see now why you bought that ridiculously baggy sweater."

"It's not baggy. In fact, it's a bit snug."

"More than a bit. You don't suppose that has anything to do with those two balloons in there with you, do you?"

Daria smiled a little. "It just might. Step back out of the shot, please. Thanks." Daria smiled a ditzy smile as the boy exaggeratedly ogled her enormous fake boobs. "Next."

Helen gritted her teeth. "Ms. Li's going to hear about this sooner or later. What do you think she's going to say?"

"Probably 'Keep up the good work, Miss Morgendorffer.' That's what she said the last three times she's been by."

"What?"

"Step back, please." Daria cooperated with the next balloon lover in a slightly burlesqued pose, again playing off her amazing helium bust. "She did the math, Mom. A balloon, enough helium to fill it, and eight feet of string cost about three and a half cents. I sell it for a dollar. She pays me zip. It's the biggest profit margin on the midway, and I've sold over four hundred already. She comes around about every half hour to pick up the money. She loves it."

"But it's so suggestive, so... vulgar! There are children here!"

Daria shook her head. "Clowns do it at the circus, in front of hundreds of children every show. I've never heard of anyone complaining. Step back, please." Daria posed for another picture very much like the previous ones, and stuck some bills in a pocket.

"But... this is just so unlike you! Why are you doing this?"

Daria separated three more balloon strings from the bunch and handed them to another boy in exchange for three more dollar bills. "You're the one who's always after me to get involved, to participate. Are you going to get all bent out of shape like this every time I do what you say? Step back, please."

"Daria, you know what I mean. Why those two balloons under your sweater?"

Daria smiled down at her miraculous rack. When she looked up again, the smile had a look of triumph to it. "After we got pressganged into this by Ms. Li, Quinn bet me she could sell more Polish sausages than I could sell balloons. Talked a bunch of trash, too. Just because she dates a lot and I don't, she thinks she knows more about boys than I do. Turns out she's wrong."

At a loss for words, Helen stood there for a minute, watching her daughter easily handle the line of leering boys, and easily separate them from their money. She shuddered.

"Just... just be careful, Daria," she finally said.

Daria turned to look up at her and smiled a small but genuine smile. "I will, Mom," she replied.

-o0o-

"Corn dogs, hot dogs, Polish sausages, get 'em while they're hot," Quinn called out dispiritedly. Seeing a familiar face, she said, "Hey, Robert! Want a Polish sausage? They're good, really."

Robert stopped, pulled out his wallet, and counted. "Yes, ma'am, I will have a Polish sausage, please."

Quinn smiled wearily. "Don't call me ma'am, Robert, just call me Quinn. How do you want it?"

"Yes, ma'am. With mustard, onion, and sauerkraut, please."

Quinn fixed it and handed it to him. "You're going to buy some balloons, aren't you?"

He looked over in Daria's direction. "Yes, ma-- yes."

"Gonna get your picture taken with her?"

"Uh, yes."

"You do know those are just balloons, right?"

"Yes."

"Then, why?"

"It's, um, humorous."

"Slightly. Other than that, why?"

Robert studied his sausage, then looked over at Daria again. He turned to Quinn, shrugged, smiled, and said, "They're such... beautiful balloons." He started off toward the end of the line. Quinn stared after him, mouth slightly open.

-o0o-

Jodie Landon approached Daria. "Hey, Daria, looks like you're doing pretty well here. Way to think outside the box. Speaking of which," she said, holding out a cashbox, "You want to get rid of some money?"

"Sure, but Ms. Li's been picking it up every half hour."

"What? But she's not supposed to... I'm supposed to be keeping a record of all receipts!" Jodie waved a clipboard holding sheets of figure-covered paper. "Rrrgh, she's doing it again!"

"Don't you mean 'still?' If it helps, I can tell you exactly how much I've taken in, and exactly how much she's picked up each time."

Jodie smiled. "Yes, that'll be very helpful. Very helpful indeed." She began counting the bills Daria handed her.

"Hey, can a fella get a balloon here?" a familiar voice inquired.

Daria looked up and smiled. Sure, Mack. How many?"

"Four, please."

Jodie turned and glared at him. "Michael MacKenzie! What do you want with four balloons?"

He grinned wickedly. "Two for spares. You still have that baggy sweater you got for your birthday, don't you?"

Jodie gasped, shocked. "Michael! Not here!" she whispered loudly.

"Of course not." He dropped his voice down low and wiggled his eyebrows. "I know just the place."

"Gee, I've just gone temporarily deaf," Daria remarked.

"Hey, Mack, get your picture with the balloon babe?" Charles asked.

"Absolutely," Mack replied, putting an arm around Daria's shoulders.

"Mack!"

"I want you in it too, Jodie. Chuck, shoot two." He grinned at Jodie. "Come on. You know you're going to want one in twenty years."

"I'm pretty sure I should be mad at you," Jodie said as she took up a position on Daria's other side.

"Chuck, make that three," Daria said as she put on her ditzy smile and stuck out her chest.

-o0o-

"How are you doing, honey?" Helen asked.

"Awful," Quinn whined. "My feet hurt, I'm gonna smell like sauerkraut and onions for a week, and Daria's totally killing me. Polish sausage?"

"I suppose so. Just mustard. Jake was supposed to have gotten us both one, but I don't see him anywhere."

"He bought two a little while ago, but he'll probably eat both of them before he gets through the balloon line," Quinn said.

"What? I told that man to wait for me! I don't want him seeing Daria like that without some preparation!" Helen said, heading off at a fast walk.

"Hey, wait! That's three bucks!" Quinn called out after her. She stamped her foot as Helen disappeared into the throng. "Dammit!"

-o0o-

"This money will be a big help, Daria, but I'm a little surprised you agreed to do this," Jodie observed as she closed and locked the cashbox. "What made you decide not to finagle a way out this time?"

"Well, there was all that boasting from Quinn, and the bet, of course. Guess I've got more of a competitive streak than I thought. Plus, I'm gonna write this all up in great detail when I get home, and use it as material for a paper someday."

"Ooh, I definitely want to read that."

"It probably won't be till I'm in college. Lawndale High doesn't have an Abnormal Psychology class."

"Ha," Jodie said, smirking. "We just wish it was abnormal. The length of that line says otherwise."

"Point. Oh, I'll expect a write-up on what you and Mack do with those balloons. I can always use more data."

"Hmm. I'll think about it. I might let you have a redacted version." Jodie glanced down the line and smirked again. "Looks like you'll be getting more data anyway. Isn't that your dad about a quarter of the way back?"

"What? You're kidding. Oh, no, it is! Right behind _your_ dad."

"Daria, don't even joke abou... oh, crap, it **is** him! Dammit, I do **not** need any more siblings!

"Oh, thank goodness, here comes my mom," Daria observed. "Well Jodie, good luck on that sibling thing." But Jodie was already hurrying off in search of Michele Landon.

the end

--ostragoth--


End file.
